The following is the result of a conversation between Di and another member of the Professionals FanFiction List as to a way to continue the Tag (where different people write consecutive parts of a story) 3 part 2, which ends with Doyle gazing at someone. In the course of the conversation, Di was, apparently, furnished with a list of characters she was not allowed to use as the subject of his scrutiny - these included Hutch, ("because he's a wimp") and any other character played by Martin Shaw ('other' referring to him playing Doyle, not suggesting he has played Hutch). Also banned were other terrorists, shootings, too many extraneous characters and lots of blood and gore. Di - unsurprisingly - found this amusing and wrote the following in response. She says it's a load of bollocks: I think it's hysterical!

The usual disclaimer applies. This is for fun only. No money is being made, no copyright infringement intended.

Tag 3 pt 3 - Alternative Banned Version...

       "Hutch," Doyle said.
       "Hutch?" Bodie echoed.
       "That's Hutch. You know, Starsky and Hutch, Hutch."
       "So it is!" Bodie marvelled.
       The tall, blond, American detective was sitting across the room, deep in conversation with a distinguished looking man in his mid forties. As the two agents watched, the latter rose and callously shot Hutch dead.
       "Wimp!" Bodie and Doyle heard him curse, viciously.
       Startled by the sudden, murderous gunfire, Bodie asked: "Who's that?"
       Doyle shrugged. "Could be anyone," he replied.
       "Looks a bit like you, actually," Bodie whispered as the man with the gun approached.
       As he sat down in front of them, Bodie realised that his words had been more than a little accurate. The newcomer could be Doyle's twin brother, though instead of the mop of unruly curls, his hair was cut in a short, almost spiky style and he wore a more serious expression.
       "Who are you?" Doyle asked sharply.
       "The name's Cade," said the man. "Alan Cade. Former Chief of East Anglian police, recently turned international terrorist and drug runner. I've been watching you two for some time."
       "What do you want with us?" Bodie asked.
       Cade smiled a dangerous smile.
       "Oh I have something most interesting in store for you," he said. "You're going to meet your doom. Just like him." He indicated Hutch's lifeless form.
       "Our doom?" Doyle asked suspiciously.
       "Our doom," Bodie repeated. "Right. Mind if we finish our drinks first?"
       "D'you want one?" Doyle asked Cade as an afterthought.
       Cade merely looked through him and snapped his fingers in the air. At once a large gang of masked men all dressed in black and carrying machine guns rose from out of nowhere and surrounded the CI5 men.
       "Where'd they come from?" Doyle muttered.
       "From out of nowhere," Bodie said laconically, picking up his jug of bitter and giving it a resigned gaze. "Such people do."
       As Bodie raised his glass to drink, he felt a hand pull his head back and a thick blindfold was slapped across his face.
       "Shit!" he muttered, as three mouthfuls worth of beer landed in his lap.
       Doyle whirled round, pulling his gun. As a similar blindfold was pulled across his eyes he fired in the direction of Cade before a quick blow to the head rendered him unconscious.

       As he came to, he found himself and Bodie standing in what appeared to be a large disused warehouse.
       "Where are we?" he asked.
       "Dunno," Bodie replied. "All these large disused warehouses look the same to me."
       They appeared to have been shackled to iron rings embedded on a slightly raised wooden floor that formed one corner of the huge room.
       Doyle turned slightly and looked in horror at Cade, who was transformed into a macabre vision of death. Blood pumped dramatically from a huge bullet wound in his neck and coated him head to toe in a sticky, putrid body suit of horror, spraying its excess in the direction of Doyle himself and a number of Cade's faceless underlings who stood in a line against the wall.
       "You should get that seen to," Bodie said coldly as another spurt of hot blood flew from Cade's neck and hit him on the leg.
       "Shut up!" Cade snapped furiously. "SHUT UP!"
       He put a hand to his face and, looking at the gory mass it came away with, snapped his fingers in the air again.
       A bespectacled man in a white coat entered the room and approached Cade carrying bandages.
       "Who's that?" Bodie whispered to Doyle.
       "Dunno. Could be anyone."
       "Looks a bit like you, actually."
       If anything, the newcomer looked a bit like Cade, only some 10 years or so older. He had the measured tread of an experienced doctor and a professional air about him.
       "Dr Kingsford," Cade explained, nastily. "Renowned and respected doctor recently turned torturer and maimer. An expert in anything bloody and gory." He turned to Kingsford. "Did you sort out the traitor on the horse yet?" he asked obscurely.
       "Aren't you on TV?" Bodie asked.
       "SHUT UP!" Cade shrieked. "Right! Now you will die!"
       "Er - why?" Doyle asked politely.
       "Because I! Alan Cade! Am destined to be the next ruler of the universe. Beneath this very floor lies your destiny, your route to eternal fires and general inescapable unpleasantness."
       "Thought we were there already," Bodie muttered.
       "Shut up!" Cade narrowed his eyes. "I've been watching you for a long time, Bodie. My plan began many years ago when the two of you were still new to CI5. I have made contacts in all areas of the services, in all the governments in the world. And always you two have stood in the way of my dreams, destroying the cunning plans I have hatched for world domination. But now my time has come! This time it can't go wrong." He turned irritably, suddenly. "Dr Kingsford, will you LEAVE MY NECK ALONE!"
       He began to pace agitatedly up and down and Bodie got the horrible feeling they were about to hear the intricate details of the plan.
       "I began my work twenty years ago," Cade said, still pacing furiously. "When I was a young copper. World Domination had always appealed but it wasn't until I reached my twenties that a way of attaining this presented it to me. It was one June morning, as I recall, a cold one for the time of year -"
       Bodie yawned loudly.
       "Look," he said. "We just want to run you in, you just want to kill us. Save the Final Scene Bond Movie Villain Confession for your statement, OK?"
       "Er - Bodie?" Doyle murmured.
       "How exactly are we going to run him in?"
       Cade laughed coldly. "You have a smart friend. By the time they find your bodies I'll have everything I need to complete my plan. The money I need will be in 7 Swiss accounts and my organisation will be in possession of the most powerful nuclear device known to man." He turned a cold and triumphant stare on the two men. "And," he added dramatically, "the world will be but 12 hours away from total destruction."
       Bodie rolled his eyes. "Heard it before," he said. He turned to Doyle. "S'pose this is an original way of killing the heroes slowly."
       "What, boring us to death?"
       "Yeah. Still, just a variation on a theme really. Not smart enough to just shoot us. If I was an Evil Overlord however -" There was a loud explosive bang and in horror, Doyle saw his partner fall, shot at close range by his enraged captor. Just before he fell, Doyle saw him mouth "Damn!" with a small smile.
       "Now, Mr Doyle, it's your turn."
       "Something similarly quick and unimaginative?" Doyle guessed.
       "On the contrary..."
       Before Doyle could answer he saw the floor begin to move and the whirr of elaborate machinery came to his ears. Within seconds a vast pit became exposed and Bodie's body, Doyle, Cade and the doctor were left perched on three platforms suspended above it. Looking down, Doyle could see dark waves lapping the banks of what appeared to be a vast underground lake. As he caught a glimpse of menacing shapes moving around beneath him, his stunned horror and grief at the death of his partner vanished momentarily and he giggled.
       "Don't tell me - crocodiles," he said. "Slow and unimaginative."
       "There's a shortage of choice when selecting deadly creatures to inhabit concealed underground lakes," Cade snapped irritably.
       Doyle looked around him. He saw his captor light a flare and set fire to a rope that dangled before him. As the flame crept up the rope, Doyle saw that the rope connected to those which he now realised were holding up the fragment of floor that he stood on. For God's sake, Bodie, he thought. Why did you have to be so damn cocky? We were supposed to die together, remember?
       "We'll see you Mr Doyle," Cade cackled. "Don't worry, you won't miss much. After all, the world will end in 48 hours."
       As Cade, Kingsford and the gaggle of scary henchmen left, evil cackles still echoing down eternal corridors, Doyle watched the flame flicker its way closer to his demise. He could see Bodie's body lying motionless across the chasm which had opened up as the floor dropped away and wished he was close enough to kick him. See you in hell, he thought, remembering a phrase from that new programme someone had seen fit to make about CI5. Very unrealistic it was too, in Doyle's opinion. Never saw those two clean cut young men dangling above crocodiles did you?
       Then suddenly, as he glanced up at the flame then back at his partner, another figure appeared. Doyle stared in disbelief as a man dressed in period costume galloped in wildly on a dappled mare. As he watched, man and horse flew round the narrow ledge that still surrounded the room, Cade and several masked men after him.
       "Chauvelin!" Cade was screaming. "Chauvelin, you traitor!"
       A shot rang out and as Cade and his minions strode from the room again in satisfaction, the horseman and his beast tumbled down the sheer wall of the crevasse and were devoured loudly and ravenously by the waiting crocodiles.
       Doyle looked back at his partner in bemusement, hoping that his own death might be a little less surreal.
       "Who the hell was that?" he wondered aloud. Then he shook his head and shrugged. "Could have been anyone."
       Suddenly Doyle felt the rope above him snap as the flame reached its destination. As the platform lurched towards the deadly churning waters below he saw, suddenly, his partner's eyes flicker open.
       "Looked a bit like you, actually," Bodie murmured weakly.
       For a split second their eyes met and as Doyle felt himself beginning the plunge downwards he clung desperately to that look.
       "BODIE!!!" he yelled helplessly...

So Jennie did!

© 2000 Di